Weekend Open Thread

April 26, 2014

Let’s talk dress codes. Not for our kids: for us parents.

Yes, two absolutely cray-cray school board members in Florida (OF COURSE Florida) have decided that the way parents dress when volunteering in the classroom or collecting their kids after school is a topic worthy of discussion, and possible action.

Osgood said parents coming to school with “their hair in curlers, saggy pants and pajamas” is distracting and sets a bad example for children. Osgood said she doubted the district could write or enforce such a dress code that would hold up to a legal challenge, but she wanted to raise awareness of parents setting a better example for their children through how they dress.

I just . . . I can’t even . . . what the McF*ck?! I’M HAVING A CLASSIST BULLSH!T RAGE STROKE.

Then there’s Paula Kvarnberg, a supremely judgy mom who needs a nice, tall glass of Shut The F*ck Up Juice.

“I have seen mothers with belly shirts and very low cleavage at my daughter’s middle school for awards night and other functions. It’s a strange dichotomy that the children are not allowed to dress this way, but the mothers show up like this all of the time,” said Kvarnberg, who noted she had not seen a father dressed inappropriately.

As for herself, when called to pick up her sick daughter from middle school, Kvarnberg made a point to first go home and change out of her gym clothes and into jeans and a T-shirt.

“I thought that was not appropriate dress for school,” Kvarnberg said of her work-out attire.

Kvarnberg would surely kvetch, but I roll up to school pretty much every day wearing sweaty gym clothes, because that’s when I can squeeze in my workout. Miraculously, my kid’s academic success hasn’t been sullied by my lack of decorum.

But I’m so relieved to hear she has never seen a father dressed inappropriately! Of course it’s only women who draw her scorn and disapproval!

The moral of the story is: if you can’t whip up an ensemble of simple slacks, a demure sweater set, and some classic ballet flats, you are clearly a (probably slutty) mother who doesn’t give a sh!t about her child’s education. The key to what ails our education system has been right in front of our faces all along: Banana Republic. Or The Gap if you’re one of The Poors.

What say you? Is a parental dress code the answer to our problems? What do you wear to school, and what do you plan to wear now that you’ve been schooled?

What else is on your mind this weekend? Chat away!