A self-imposed hiatus...see you later, I hope...
Fri May 09, 2008 at 08:56:32 AM PDT
You won’t notice my absence, I haven’t been here long. I’ve so enjoyed coming to this site and feel that there is a wealth of support and information here at MTs. I have come to greatly appreciate the forthrightness and insight into motherhood and the usually respectful tone used when expressing opposing opinions.
It has been a difficult road to arrive at a place in my life where I feel certain that I want to have children. I am stunned that this desire has taken such a strong hold on me in the last 2 years. Of course, desire for something does not necessarily translate into a dream realized.
I have now been officially classified as "infertile". Hardly a death sentence, but still a heart-breaker. Of course, I’m indulging in self-pity. This post marks my very first admission; I have not yet had the courage to tell DH. I can’t utter the words out loud even to myself. This is unusual territory for me as I tend to be too open about my less than desirable traits. I feel ashamed of my body for failing me in this way. (Enter vicious circle) I am angry at myself for feeling ashamed.
Yes, I know that maybe some miracle will happen and I may always hope for that. However, it may do more harm than good to rely on false hope, at some point I must face reality and learn to live with it. I know that I will I’m just not too thrilled about the idea right now.
I have always been open to adoption but DH is not too enthusiastic about this option. This is not a conversation we will be having anytime soon as I think I need a vacation from this whole thing. So, in the interest of self-preservation I can’t allow myself to hang out here anymore.
Who knows? Someday I may make a triumphant return and be in need of your wisdom. Until then, take care.
Happy Mother’s Day. I’m certain you won’t forget what a privilege it is.
