possible going back to work ack UPDATED
Fri May 02, 2008 at 12:57:36 PM PDT
I think this is my first diary--I'm a lurker, but this didn't feel safe to talk about with my real life friends. Ah, the anonymity of the internets!
I've been a SAHM since my oldest child was born almost 7 years ago. I got into it almost accidentally; my dh liked his work, and I didn't. I also realized (almost to my surprise) after my oldest was born that I just couldn't bear to leave him. So I didn't, and fortunately, it worked out.
Fast forward to now. I have 3 kids. My dh and I faced some martial rockiness, including a short separation earlier this year (thankfully, he's dealing with his problems--yes, they are his problems, won't go into it here, but 12 step stuff and major therapy). He was also out of work for several months, during which we were both looking for jobs.
Fortunately, we are really working hard on our marriage, and he got a great job with a major increase in pay, title, and responsibilities. But then last week, I heard back from a place I applied in January, and I am a candidate for the job. And it is one I really want.
I had to submit a writing exercise for the position by yesterday. (Did that.) I should hear back within a week. I put a lot of work into it. And now, I'm in a weird place, thinking about work, thinking about
the kind of work I'd want to do. It's very confusing, in part because I thought I'd just go back to the SAHM thing after my dh got his job, but I'm not sure this is what I want now.
In my tiny universe, everyone was really supportive about me going for the job, except for two of my mom friends. Still trying to digest what was up with that. I think there's some weird kind of competitiveness and/or judgment going on that I have previously just been pretending/hoping wasn't there. I'm trying to understand it, even though I'm not sure I really want to.
I think the difficulties of the past year, especially the separation, have changed me. I'm at a point where the idea of bringing in my own salary is very appealing. Also, emotionally, I'm kind of worn
out. I adore my children, but I think a change would be good for me, which would be good for them, too. I guess I'm seeing that my head is just in a very different place than these 2 friends and that they
just may not get what is going on with me.
I'm doing a lot of thinking now, about transitions, working, friendships...
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Just wanted to let you all know that I got an email yesterday requesting that I interview on the 22nd. I'm so excited, and I will do a lot of prep before the interview. I'm terrified (of the job, of not being home with the kids, of being with ADULTS all day), but I'm about 99.99% sure I'll take the job if offered.
